I was walking to school in the morning today, and saw some
grass cutters cutting the grasses of the botanic gardens. Grass cutters are
human beings too, and they have a function to play in society by maintaining
the grasses and trimming them to a suitable length. It is the case that some
individuals in life find themselves employed to such task. Society requires the
likes of such roles for its smooth functioning. Grasses don’t cut themselves.
Rubbish do not clear by themselves. Money don’t deposit themselves in the
cashier. Buses and taxis don’t drive by themselves. All these are done by human
beings. Without individuals who would do these tasks, our society would be less
livable than it is. I see this appointment of roles to the various tasks in society
as the handiwork of God. He has created all individuals with varying gifts and
abilities so that through such diversity, human societies can function and
improve over the ages. It seems to me that someone must have planned out how these
various traits and attributes come to be in society so that there can be a
pluralism of roles in society for everyone to serve one another in their
varying roles capacities. From the greatest to the least, all human beings were
created with an eye to their appointment in their various roles in society.
There will be the elites, the likes of those who will be called to lead the
country, the intellectual class who have the insight to how society should
develop and improve, the professional classes such as the doctors, lawyers,
engineers, scientists. There are the technical blue collar working class such
as clerks, sales personnels, factory workers. Then, there are the artisan
classes such as celebrities, musicians, designers. And there is at the lowest
rung of societies the low-skilled workers such as cleaners, road sweepers,
grass cutters, construction workers. Now, we can readily see that society would
not work if everyone were one or the other. And although it is the case that
those in high roles are esteemed by the likes of those in society, yet if it
were the case that all were bornt with such capabilities, how much poorer
society would be. How would the machinery of society function if there were not
those employed to the manual undertakings of society? If all wanted to be
elite, who shall carry out the instructions that are set in place?
To each his role in life, and to do them in service of his
fellow human beings in society and around the world. Elites must serve the
people with the roles they have been given in their life. As much has been
given to them, so much would be expected of them. And for those who have been
placed in lesser position, they should accept their stakes in society and apply
themselves heartfully in service to those that God has placed above them. They
should not be a rebellious population against their leaders, for God has placed
authority above them to rule them.
I usually worry that I am not clever enough to be in the
role that I find myself in. After a rather tough first year at law school, I
wonder whether I was truly meant to be in this institution. I suppose God has a
plan for me, and there is a divine reason why he has placed me in law school.
Now, I am not doing well in school, and I suppose it might truly be the case
that I would not do well in this endeavour, but I believe that God has a plan
for me even if I should do badly in school.
If I should have to be the ‘cleaner’ of society, I suppose
that God has placed me there in such a capacity to serve those around me, and I
would not be bitter about the plight that I am in. It seems like I haven’t been
gifted with the capabilities and talents necessary to do the job of a lawyer.
My mental capability is much too primitive to give me the ability to succeed in
this domain. I do not understand the readings that I am assigned to. And I
would have liked to think that I could have gotten a hang of law school once I
find out how, but slowly every day, I am beginning to think that I have to
reckon with the notion that I am not smart enough to be in this field. When I
am in church, I see the likes of individuals who are less intelligent than I
am. And I know that they would not be able to do things as I am able to. And if
they shall be placed in certain roles, they shall not be able to adequately
fulfill what is expected of them. Now then, I shall have to acknowledge that
there may be a limitation to my capabilities, and I am afraid that I am not
possessing such capabilities as would allow me to function well in the field of
law.
Somehow, I feel that I would not be in this difficult
position had I been more abiding in God. I have asked trouble for myself by
striving out in life on my own and thinking I shall get by without God. When I
studied hard in my junior college days, I left God out in my endeavours,
thinking that I must not have God as a crutch because it is only by my own
humanistic endeavour that I shall be able to secure good results. And I worked
myself most certainly harder than many others, and exceeded what was natural
for myself. Then, I did reasonably well in the A levels by securing A’s in
Physics, Mathematics, Economics, and Project Work, while scoring B’s in
Chemistry, General Paper, and Chinese, and a pass grade in H3 Game theory and
Competition. But had I leaned upon God throughout my walk in life, and done
only what was natural for myself, I would perhaps have done poorly in my academics
such that I would not have been able to get into law school. And perhaps, I
might be spared the difficult predicament that I am in. For by my humanistic
efforts, I have built myself up to where I am, and it would then only be by my
own humanistic efforts that I shall sustain this edifice. And I am afraid I don’t
have any energy left to the undertaking. There is such a sharp limitation that
I am in experience with, one that imposes on my mind such difficulty of comprehension
of the materials that I encounter. When it comes to reading law materials, I am
virtually dyslexic. I can’t piece together anything coherent in my mind.
Perhaps God was trying to tell me that the study of law is
not for me when I failed to get into NUS law school when I first applied for
it. Perhaps I have been rebellious in the way I responded when I initially failed
to get into law school, and I must have charged God with not loving me enough
to give me my wishes. And I clamour that I may be able to join the ranks of the
elite. And thus, I tried once again my bid at entering law school and indeed
succeed. But perhaps, I have extended myself, and place myself in a place where
I was not supposed to be. And had I not been rebellious, God would have
exempted me from the rut that I find myself caught up in. But I did ask God
that I wish that my entering to law school be his will when I applied to get
into law school the second time, and I asked that God forbids me to be accepted
into law school if it truly be not his will.
I suppose I may have to reckon that I am simply not meant
for this discourse in law. I have tried so hard, and am on the brink of giving
up. I really wished I could have done otherwise, but if it is truly so hard for
me to get a hang of law school, I suppose I will have to reckon with the
possibility that perhaps this is not a field which I was supposed to be in.
I wish I could have known that I would experience such
difficulties in law studies. I would have considered doing something else. But
as it is, I did not know that I would so inept at this field of studies, and
have enrolled myself into it. For my mind is much too primitive to be able to
be employed in this field. Now then, I shall not be in rebellion. I shall not
clamour against God again. For what good will come if I shall exert myself to
such measures to succeed? “Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it”.
And what lies ahead would be a lifetime in a career which I might find myself
unsuited for. I shall pray to God about this, and ask for his guidance in every
step of my life. If it should be the case that a course in the legal fraternity
is not for me, and God would have me flunk the law school examinations, let it
be so. For there is a path that is planned for me, for every individual in the
hands of God, and I shall not have to worry about my fate. He shall give me my “daily
bread”. And whatever the case that I shall find my employment in, if it shall
be the will of God, I shall gladly accept it.
No comments:
Post a Comment