I have been angst very much throughout the semester about the tension headache I have been experiencing. I don't feel that I am 100% in my condition, and I feel that it is affecting my ability to study well for the law examination. I do hope to recover from this tension headache soon. What I fear is that i might be a chronic condition that may last for years, or even a lifetime. I have looked up on the internet for information regarding this condition, and I saw comments by one internet user who said that she has had a tension headache for at least 2 years now. And I certainly wouldn't like to be afflicted with another difficult condition in addition to the tinnitus and hearing impairments that I am already suffering from.
I suppose I just wish to find a sense of peace in life. And I think the only true source of peace comes from God. In the sense, everything in life might be turning out wrongly - there might be illness, disabilities, pain, suffering, sadness, loss of love ones etc. And there might be no explanation for all these misery. We might even lose our mind and become mad. But what can be the source of true peace amidst the chaos, what one can hold onto with conviction, is that there is a good God who loves each and everyone of us, and he has a plan amidst all these sadness that afflicts us as we reside in this mortal realm. And it is only from God can we find true peace. One may possess many good things - health, wealth, intelligence, family, friends. But even with these, a man is angst constantly because he can place no security that these things would be taken away from him in life. The vicissitude of life can take away these things in the glimpse of an eye, and bring travails of hardship. And if one profess his source of strength in these mortal resources, he would see that his security is limited and fragile.
Let us hold steadfast to the surety that comes from the promise of God, that he is a good and loving God, and he shall have a plan, a plan to prosper us, not to harm us, plans to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)
For the Central Bible Study Discussion that I had for the Varsity Christian Fellowship on Wednesday, we went through the story of Daniel 3. One aspect of the discussion was about reflecting about how we as Christians would respond in the midst of persecution. In the narrative, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego quite boldly responded that they would not obey the king's command to bow down to the lump of gold, even if God were not to save them from the king's hand when he throws them into the fiery furnace. In the story of Daniel 3, God intervened and the 3 individuals did not die when they were thrown into the fiery furnace. However, as our VCF CBS facilitator points out, many Christian Martyrs died for their faith during the roman empire. And I know of the story of Stephen, a character in the bible who was stoned to death in the bible. All of the apostles except James died martyrs. In the sense, God does not save his followers from death from persecution all the time. But as how the 3 hebrews in Daniel 3 responded, even if it were the case that God does not save us from danger, they would not succumb to persecution. I remember having a similar discussion on the same point in Daniel 3 in my church's discussion group about how God can respond when his followers are put in danger. We used a material by Philip Yancey, and he elegantly express how God can "save us from the fire, through the fire, or with the fire".
I think that Christians are not persecuted as much in Singapore. Most professors are atheist I believe, but the ones I have encountered have generally been quite respectful towards listening to the opposing viewpoints of Christians on matters such as the objectivity of values and on the debate regarding Penal Code s377A legislation criminalizing homosexual activities. Some atheist students might be more quite strident in their view point and would condescendingly laugh off the position from Christian viewpoints.They seem to think that their position is the only correct one and they would frame their proposition as facts and not as opinion. I would offer my own counter perspective without referencing too much to Christianity. I guess I try to show that there are different viewpoints held by different people, and their viewpoints are not necessarily the correct one.
But another type of persecution that can cause a Christian to fall away from his faith are not those by men, but tragedies and sufferings from misfortune in life. I know of quite a number of Christian friends who experience much ordeals in their lives. They come from broken and poor families, they suffer from debilitating diseases and mental illnesses, they experience loss of love ones. In church, I see individuals who suffer from quite debilitating lifetime diseases such as autism, down-syndrome, and blindness. I can see that some are quite angry at God. A friend that I have in DG frequently rails at God for the misery that he experiences in life. He remains in the faith, albeit quite disappointed at God. I too am rather disappointed at God for my predicaments in life, especially for the tinnitus and hearing difficulties that I sustained after a loud concert 2 years ago, and perhaps for the difficulties that I have in my social life and in finding a relationship with a girl due to Asperger's Syndrome. Recently, I heard of a Christian classmate in SAJC whose Dad died due to the negligence of the hospital doctor in not referring him for treatment when he went to consult the doctor. It is a rather sudden and unfortunate event. And there are some other Christians around me who suffer from their respective plights.
I do find such times rather testing on my faith. Seeing suffering around me, and having to suffer myself. It is times like these where I feel the pinch of the atheist's argument that the reason for such suffering is simply due to the fact that God does not exist. I find it hard to square the absence of an answer of one's prayer for healing with certain promise in the bible by God that he would answer our prayer. I asked my CBS facilitator, Yvonne, how we should console a fellow human being who was undergoing suffering in life. She admitted that it was not easy to give an explanation that would be emotionally satisfying. She told us of her experience in which a girl asked her about why she was undergoing so much sadness in life such as the death of her father, and Yvonne somberly replied, "God isn't fair, is he?", and the girl cried her hearts out because of all the emotions she had been repressing in order to conform to the stereotype of Christian serenity and peace which had been continually affirmed by the people around her.
I am not sure whether such an answer is therapeutic or correct, at least not for me. I would like a truthful answer that comes from the bible. And the only answer that I can come up with is that we live in a fallen world due to the sin of Adam, and that while Christians live on earth, we too will be smitten our respective afflictions. As how I have heard it in some readings I have encountered, each of us have our cross to bear. I wish there were a better answer. I wish prayers would work as effective as how it is presented to in the bible. I think that the atheist overstate their conclusion when they say that the existence of suffering and evil disproves the existence of God. I agree with the position presented by the Christian apologist, William Lane Criag, that human beings are too limited to find a sufficient reason for the existence of suffering, and this does not mean that God does not have a plan for it. I suppose the Christian answer on this is that this is a broken and fallen world where there is evil and suffering, but that an individual's time on in the mortal is temporal, and that what exist in the eternal afterlife is perfect. Thus, it is worth reminding ourselves not to become too attached with the world and to lose sight of the eternal. But Christianity is not like Buddhism which advocates a complete detachment to things and to relieve oneself of all concept of good and evil. Christianity acknowledges the presence of good and evil, and that evil and suffering is bad to the human condition. But all these are due to the fallen nature of creation due to original sin. And thus, as Christians, we should seek to alleviate these as much as possible. And God sustains the world despite its fallen nature. Humanity is preserved throughout the ages, and there are things which are good and periods of happiness which we can find joy in and reprief from suffering. But we must certainly have perspective of the significance of these good things and not place them above everything else.
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