It is times when you are experiencing an ordeal of great hardship,
and the usual mechanism of prayers find its usual response of being unanswered,
that one starts to truly question the existence of God. I mean, if things were
not too bad, I wouldn’t be too troubled by unanswered prayers because I would
hope that I myself would be able to resolve things and put things in order. And
it is usually the case that I find that most of my prayers are unanswered, or
at least, the silent answer most of the time seems to be ‘no’. But it doesn’t
really bother me until I get something like a constant annoying pressure sensation
in my head that begs not to go away. And its insistence on staying past its due
really perturbs me. I suppose I could have beared with tinnitus. Now, I face
the prospect of having to bear with tension headache for the rest of my life.
And so I figure, what if God isn’t really real? I mean, I
should be entitled to my doubts should I not? I am simply being intellectually
honest with my situation and observation. What is there in my life that should
make me think that God, or Christianity really is true? Even devout Christians
that I know who pray do not receive things that are good for them. And I am
really dissatisfied with the answers given by Christians about why prayers are
unanswered. I suppose I am dissatisfied so even if they quote from the bible.
Partly, I do find the answers given by the bible unsatisfactory. It is like
there are these strict conditions that has to be fulfilled before God will even
bother to hear any prayers. And to me, it seems like attempts of men who
conceived of the religion of Christianity to construct the religion in such a
way that there will always be an excuse for God for the lack of any signs,
miracles, or wonders to prove to the effect of the veracity of Chrstianity. And
I could readily see why someone who constructs a religion would want to do
that. It is so that the observation of a world which is naturalist in nature would
be concilable with the supernaturalism of Christianity. The convenient cop-out
is for the creators of the religion to simply explain that these
supernaturalist elements is hard of taking place.
And even if Christianity is true, and God does exist, he
is certainly not a God that provides too much practical help is he? That is, it
really makes no difference whether one believes or not. The thing to do when
facing a problem is to take all the reasonable practical action that one is
ought to be expected of to resolve it. You may include God into your affair, or
not. It doesn’t really matter much. But the best security that you may have is
if you should take care of it yourself.
The thing is that I really wish that Christianity were
true, as presented in the Bible where God was a more interventionistic God than
what I do observe right now in life. The thing is that I want to believe in God
and place my trust in him. But I can’t be sure that he exists, or that
Christianity is true. I don’t think that the characteristics of God as
presented in the Bible square off with what I observe in my life. But I would
exclaim that unlike the atheist or the agnostic, I do wish for Christianity to
be true, I do wish for God to exist and to set my life, and things around the
world in order.
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