I Kissed Dating Goodbye 3

In my reading of I Kissed Dating Goodbye today, Joshua Harris describes and contrasts two relationship stories. In the first one, a man named Jeff was boasting about his sexual exploit with Gloria to the author. Jeff was expecting the author to be impressed, but instead, the author was taken aback and in disapproval of Jeff’s actions, and reproached him. But Jeff cuts him off, telling the author that if the author ever fell in love, he would understand. The author describes that four years later, Jeff was in a college, and this time, he was engaged to another girl named Debbie. Jeff was telling the author this time about how his is so in love with Debbie.

In the second story, the author relays his conversation with a man named Eric, who was married to a woman named Leslie. The author describes his observation of the pair as “you two can’t keep your hands off each other”. He asked them, “was it difficult keeping the physical side of your relationship pure while you were engaged?” Eric answered “ Of course the desire for that was present – it will always be. But no, it wasn’t a struggle. Leslie and I decided very early in our relationship that we were going to refrain from physical contract until we were married. Our first kiss was at the altar”. He continued, “We both decided waiting was what we wanted to do. It was a way to show our love, to protect each other before we were married.”

The second story does describe very well a friend I have in church, who avoided a physical relationship with his girlfriend, even such as holding hands and kissing. I had thought that it was quite unromantic to be so averse to a physical relationship. Perhaps abstinence from kissing is understandable, but from holding hands as well?

I am curious about the attitude towards sex amongst youths in Singapore. I used to think that as Asians, we are conservative, and most of my peers around me practice abstinence. But as the proverbial Chinese saying goes, I truly suspect I am a frog in the well, ignorant of the reality. After all the headlines making its way into the national news about sex scandals such as the one involving the law student Darinne Ko and her professor Tey Tsun Hang, and another regarding the sex blogger Alvin Tan who also happened to be a student at NUS law, I must be naïve to think all Singaporean youths are conservative.

Once, I was sitting in a criminal law class, and a fellow female student was giving her presentation. She was talking something about how the law should change to reflect the liberality of sex amongst youths in Singapore. I was taken aback, because I was wondering how she would have such an impression of a sexually liberal Singapore. I don’t want to be judgmental, but it is said that people form their impression based on their own lifestyle and those they hang around with. Or perhaps, she knows better about the state of affairs than I do.