I have been thinking about my religious
faith these days, and trying to best define what it’s exact nature is. I wonder
whether the nature of my faith can be easily summarized in a categorical
statement. I like to think of myself as a Christian, despite having doubts as
to whether God exists, and whether Christianity is true or not. The biggest
motivation for me is that I am not sure how an atheist find a basis to appraise
moral values. Whether morality can find objective meaning without religion or
God is a point of debate amongst academics, and I don’t profess to be able to
definitively determine who is right on the matter. But let me elaborate from my
laymen point of view. I do realize that there are really depraved and inhumane
acts that take place in the world. One has only got to search the internet to
know about such things. It utterly shocks me the extent of depravity that
humans can descend to. It is unbounded only by the extent of human imagination.
Now, some moral philosophers would seek to develop a comprehensive moral
philosophy system to be able to determine morality without appeal to a standard
provided by religion, such as utilitarianism. But there are things that I feel
are not effectively dealt with using such paradigms of understanding morality.
Some things just do not conform to the utilitarian mould in order to be
considered “unwholesome”.
Perhaps then, the primary reason for my
attraction towards the Christian religion is its ability to stipulate values
that I believe are good and wholesome. I am not sure though how I first began
to develop these sentiments of which values are good and wholesome, but I
suspect that being brought up culturally in a Christian conservative
environment might have instilled this state of mind in me. But I do realize
from my past experiences that values varies from individual to individual and
can change over time.
Now, I do know of Christians who would
think that such a conception of the faith as being flawed. Some statements that
I know that are passed around evangelical Christian circles are that
Christianity is more than simply just morality, it is, primarily, about God. To
think about Christianity according its morality reduces it to a functional
tool, as much as some people embrace Christianity for its social functional
value in that they wish to connect to a social community. There is a branch of
practice known as Christian science which simply affirms Christian morality
without subscribing to theological beliefs about the existence of God. I don’t
think any church endorsing such beliefs exist in Singapore, but I think
Christians here in Singapore should be aware of how diverse the practice of
Christianity can be in other parts of the world, some that do not adhere to the
conventional fundamentals firmly regarded in churches over here.
I have been thinking though to what
extent should Christian morality or beliefs be adhered to. Is the morality
prescribed in the bible comprehensive, or incontrovertible? As much as I like
Christianity for its provision of a standard of morality to which I can find objectivity
with. For example, I am not exactly too impressed with the Christian conception
of hell, or of some forms of blasphemy being unforgivable.
There are a few things though which I
find difficult about Christianity. They are, the apparent absence of God, and
the presence of evil and suffering. Moreover, it seems like my prayers for
specific things rarely gets answered. I just can’t connect the dots as to why
God would want to make his existence so concealed to those who believe in him. Honestly,
I don’t have much confidence in God to grant me the things that I ask him for,
or to protect me against unfortunate circumstances with guarantee. Bad things
happen to all people, good or bad, prayers or no prayers.
So what exactly can I call myself if I
am not sure in the existence of God or the truth of Christianity, but am
predilectably predisposed towards a belief, and towards subscription of
Christain morality and values, whilst at the same time somewhat unsure about
how rigid an adherence to the stipulated morality and values must be, but not
so unfundamentalist as to discard stipulations that do not appeal to me. In
addition, I am someone who places more confidence in the operation of
naturalistic process in reality than in supernatural intervention, and
therefore don’t place too much faith in the fulfillment of specific requests in
personal prayers or ministry, but at the same time, not someone who denies that
God is somehow working concealedly behind these naturalistic instruments. Also,
I don’t believe that Christianity results in the perfection of human beings, or
the correction of the flaws of an individual. And I don’t think that those who
practice or minister Christianity are infallible. And I am open to being
skeptical about conventional conservative Christianity, while am at the moment
predisposed towards seeing the values espoused as positive in nature.
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